The One Thing That Changes Everything in a Conversation

So, over the past week, my son has been sick. Like, really sick. The kind of sick that makes you go from “I think he’ll be okay” to “Okay, we’re going to the doctor right now” in about five minutes.

I ended up seeing two different doctors—one on Friday, one on Saturday—and the contrast between them really stuck with me. The first doctor made me feel seen. She listened, reassured me that I wasn’t being dramatic for bringing my son in, and explained exactly why my concerns were valid. She also told me that if things got worse, dehydration could become a serious issue. So when Saturday rolled around, and some symptoms were improving while others were getting worse, I went to see another doctor.

Now, on paper, she did everything right. She listened, asked questions, and seemed empathetic… but something felt off. I only figured out what it was today:

I didn’t feel seen or heard.

She didn’t say, “I see why you’re worried, and it makes sense that you’re here.” She didn’t validate the fact that, as a parent, I was doing what any normal, loving, slightly sleep-deprived mom would do—double-checking that my kid was okay. If she had just taken a moment to say, “I get it, and here’s why I’m not worried,” I would have walked out of that office feeling relieved instead of second-guessing myself.

And honestly, this isn’t just a doctor thing. It’s an everything thing.

Why Feeling Seen and Heard Changes Everything

Think about it. How often do we go through life feeling unheard? Not because people don’t listen, but because they don’t see where we’re coming from.

Turns out, there’s actual research backing this up. Studies in psychology show that perspective-taking—the ability to understand someone else’s thoughts and emotions—plays a massive role in human connection and decision-making.

A study published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that when people feel understood, they are more likely to trust, cooperate, and feel positive about the interaction (Eyal et al., 2018). And when people don’t feel heard? They disengage, feel frustrated, and—surprise!—walk away second-guessing themselves.

This is why perspective matters in every interaction.

Let’s Talk Parenting

There’s a big movement around gentle parenting, but I actually think that’s the wrong term. It’s not about being soft or passive. It’s about perspective—seeing the world through your child’s eyes and actually acknowledging their experience.

Let’s say your kid asks for sweets in the supermarket, and you say, “No.” Done, right? You set the boundary, good parenting badge unlocked.

But now imagine you walk into your boss’s office with an idea you’ve put a lot of thought into, and she just says, “No.” No explanation, no acknowledgment of your effort—just a hard stop.

Feels awful, right?

Now, I’m not saying we should give our kids everything they want just to keep the peace. But what if, instead of a flat no, we said something like, “I get why you want that. It looks really good! Right now, we’re not buying sweets, but let’s plan for a treat another time.”

It’s a small shift, but it makes a huge difference.

Research backs this up, too. A 2021 study in Developmental Psychology found that children who feel their emotions are acknowledged by caregivers show better emotional regulation, less resistance, and stronger long-term parent-child relationships (Sibley et al., 2021).

Perspective in Young Adulthood (And, Well, Everyone)

I see this all the time with the young adults I work with. One of the biggest frustrations they share with me is: “My parents don’t listen. They just tell me what to do.”

And if you ask the parents? “My child won’t listen. They ignore everything I say.”

Both sides are frustrated. Both feel unheard.

The thing is, young adults are supposed to be figuring things out. This is their time to make mistakes, explore, try, fail, and learn. Parents, on the other hand, have already been through this stage. They’re not just being controlling for the sake of it—most of the time, they’re trying to protect their kids from making the same mistakes they did.

If both sides just said that out loud—if parents said, “I know you want to figure things out, and I totally get that. I just want to help you avoid some of the mistakes I made.” And if young adults responded with, “I appreciate that, but I need to try things my way sometimes too.”—imagine how different those conversations would be.

The One Shift That Changes Everything

I keep coming back to this thought: People just want to feel seen.

It doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. It doesn’t mean you have to change your mind. But letting someone know you get why they feel the way they do?

That changes the entire dynamic.

If that doctor on Saturday had just said, “I understand why you’re here. I can see why you’re worried. Based on my assessment, I don’t think there’s cause for concern, and here’s why,” I would have left feeling so much better.

If we all just took an extra second to acknowledge the other person’s perspective—whether it’s with a child, a partner, a friend, a colleague—I really believe it would make life a lot easier.

So next time you’re in a conversation, pause for a second. See the other person’s perspective. Say it out loud. It doesn’t take much, but I promise—it makes all the difference.

References

• Eyal, T., Steffel, M., & Epley, N. (2018). Understanding Others' Perspective Makes You More Persuasive. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 115(2), 1-12.

• Sibley, M. H., Graziano, P. A., Coxe, S., & Pelham, W. E. (2021). The Role of Parental Validation in Child Emotional Regulation. Developmental Psychology, 57(3), 399-412.